Wednesday, May 23, 2012

WOYWW 155

Hi and another Wednesday is here and today it is my youngest wee chaps 8th birthday, he went to bed very excited last night hoping for a new bike and some Lego.  He also asked for chickens, a rabbit and a dog but he may be disappointed on that front!
Anyway back to my desk...


I've got some stamps from PI out on my desk with there new Stamping card which is fab plus one of my folders of Spellbinders dies open ready to play with.  Today I shall mostly be making some cards for my up coming demo and classes in Aberdeen mentioned earlier in the week.

What's on your work desk Wednesday is organised by the lovely Julia here where you can have a look at other peoples crafty spaces and find out what they're up to this week. 
I hope you have a look later this evening but thank you for popping by.

I want to leave you today with a story my father told me yesterday, it's a bit long so sorry Julia but I do normally keep my posts short. 
I just had to send this....it was sent to him from a friend....the language is a bit base in places but I have left it as it was told. 
You really should read it to the end as you are guaranteed to be rolling laughing. 
My mum and I both needed tissues we were crying that much!  It is real belly laugh material.
Needless to say I think I might have to get one of these......

A Pocket Tazer Stun Gun a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary
submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give
myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

*    My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
*    The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
*    My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
*    My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
*    I had no control over the drooling.
*    Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
*    I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
*    I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

I said it was funny didn't I?  Have a great Wednesday, crafty hugs from me.  x

18 comments:

Sandy said...

ROFL good one. Happy 8th Birthday to your wee chap. Those spellbinders dies look awesome.Sandy :) #92

sandysewin said...

Hope your son has a wonderful birthday. Legos are the greatest. :-)

Happy Woyww,

Sandy #129

Redanne said...

I hope your Son got his bike and the lego for his birthday. You really do have to admire his optimisim on the other things. Hope he has a good birthday! Happy WOYWW, Anne #18

ScrappnBee said...

Hope that your son enjoys his birthday! (May babies rock!) Love the story! It was too funny. Thanks for sharing. Have a great WOYWW -Amanda x 89

Laura said...

Oh I love it. Had trouble breathing because I laughed so hard!
Laura 138

Jacqueline said...

What a great story! Had me in fits of laughter!! No worries about the language! I a mum to a teenage lad! 'nuff said! *sighs*!

Hope your wee fella had a great day! Got to admire his optimism on the animals though lol!

Take care and thanks for sharing!

Happy WOYWW

Jackie #98

Trish Latimer said...

hahashahahaha!!!! Sooooo funny! Trish #51

Mina said...

brilliant story it made me laugh so hard Erika...Im always so envious of everyones desk when I see they all seem so tidy compared to mine lol...thanks for your lovely comment on my hop card
Mina xxx

Princess Judy Palmer said...

You should see the stun guns the campus cops have here. They were so excited and showed me a training video where it was used on a rampaging bull. It dropped him in his tracks. I pity the person who opts to mess with the campus cops. Looks like a spot of creating happening on your desk. So this is a chicken, dog, and rabbitless birthday then?

Neesie said...

Happy belated birthday wishes to your wee man...there's nothing like an 8 year olds wish list!

That story was brilliant Erika...what a laugh. So well told and totally believable. I love his logic (or lack of) It was all so visual. What a giggle :D
Thanks for starting my day with a laugh...and the sun's shining too so it's good so far!
Happy WOYWW and thanks for visiting my place. Neesie #11

505whimsygirl said...

hee hee. I wondered if he'd realize his nerves would be affected and not be able to release the trigger!! haaaa

I hope your son has/had a great birthday. Chickens would be fun.....

Hugs,
Kay
$141 (you already visited - thankS!!)

Becky said...

I was laughing to begin with that your son wanted chickens, rabbit AND a dog, but then I read the story and was REALLY laughing!!!

dottielottie said...

Hi Erika, well I'm afraid I can't remember what's on your work desk after reading that hilarious story. It is 1.45am, every one is in bed and I have been trying to stifle my laughter without much success.
Thank you :-)
Hugs
Lottie x

CraftygasheadZo said...

Lol what a great story! Fab post. Take care & enjoy WOYWW, hoping your Thursday is a lovely one! Zo xx 80

Queenie Jeannie said...

STILL LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!! So, so funny!

Looks like you're about to have some real crafting time on your desk!! Enjoy!

Jeannie #75

Shoshi said...

Ha ha ha!!! Good one.

Hope your son had a nice birthday.

Thanks for your nice comment on my blog. We have had a lovely anniverssary, thank you - nice day out at Exeter Museum.

Happy belated WOYWW,
Shoshi #133

Shoshi said...

Thanks for your lovely comment on my blog, Erika - glad you like my hubby's card, and also my new alphabet stamps! I love how they all fit so nicely in the sweet little box. It's just such a nice thing to have, quite apart from using it lol!

Shoshi #133

Queen Of Toys said...

I have read that story before and loved it, I read it again and loved it and yes both times I was laughing so much I had tears in my eyes. You just made my day so much better for the giggle, I have had a really bad day and turned to the computer as a distraction.

Thank you and you desk needs messing up by the way.

Eliza #49
http://queenartoypia.blogspot.com.au/